If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
