I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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