We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
