so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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