Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
God, I missed his penis.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
