those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
