One girl and one boy is just not enough.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
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