Old men and throwing up are my life now.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
