omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
