I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
