I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
