Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize