Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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