Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
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