My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
