It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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