So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
