Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The air was thick with penises
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize