There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
so much tequila, so little girl.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
