I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
His hands were made for my vagina.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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