He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
