i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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