it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
