nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
