Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
