high people should be assigned attendants
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
