I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
