I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
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