Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We talked him into tasing himself.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
