he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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