Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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