Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize