Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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