your room smells of hookers.
And success
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
