ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
