I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
