i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
