yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
