i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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