Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
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