When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
