Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
