It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
