Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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