If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize