Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
