Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
