Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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