Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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