so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
