Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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