Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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