That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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