Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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