im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
