addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
you win again, gameday.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
