due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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