Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
