I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
smell my finger.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Randomize
