I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
A bitchslap is in order.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
