Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
