capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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