God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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