Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
