Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
