I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
