I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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