OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My liver just broke up with me...
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
