why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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