just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize