last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
