Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
vagina is talking i cant
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
