the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
