I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
