I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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