I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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