hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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