u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
