If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
