I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
