she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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