so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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