but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
