I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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