At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize