"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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