Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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