First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize