I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I CAN MOONWALK!
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
