Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
