my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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