holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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