Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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