Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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