so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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