You're a womanizer and a bitch.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
