I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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