I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
