I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Randomize
