It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize