I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
