90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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