I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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