I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
