at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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