We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
