Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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